I'M BACK!!!

So.......total and utter failure....and I know this....BUT....this has been a struggle for me for the past few years. I am unhappy. I am fat. I am stressed to the MAX, but you know what? I need to get over it!

 NO MORE EXCUSES!

I'm done caring what everyone else thinks.....I need to do this, and do it NOW!

I know i'm going to have good days, and bad. I am going to fail, and have successes, and I need to realize this and not quit!

I need a real source of motivation, and it needs to come from within me, not some BS answer or excuse.

So here's to finding out what works, and what doesn't...to making mistakes, and becoming a better person overall!

I will be back tomorrow....with weight and measurements again....

Night ya'll!

Feb 3, 2011

So I have been feeling like an uber failure lately, so obviously I have been avoiding this...but as I stated at the beginning of each month I will write down my results for measurements......they suck, I am not going to lie....completely and utterly suck!

This month will be different (or so I keep telling myself!).....it needs to be different....I can't keep doing this to myself :(

Measurements:Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 184 lbs

Upper Arm (Left): 12 1/2 inches
Upper Arm (Right): 12.5 inches
Chest (Bust): 39 inches
Diaphram (Rib Cage): 35.5 inches
Waist: 36 inches
Abdomen: 41 inches
Buttocks: 43 inches
Upper Thigh (Left): 23 inches
Upper Thigh (Right): 23 inches
Calf (Left): 16 inches
Calf Right): 16 inches
Total Inches: 297.5 inches

so an overall loss of 3 inches and 3 lbs....thats bullsh*t! I can do WAAAYYYY better! I really really wish I had more self control...and time....time is a big one!

I hate myself today....I will write again when I have something worth writing :(

Jan 29, 2011

So yes......It has been a LONG time since I have written on here...and YES it IS because I have failed :( I did gain back 2 lbs that I know of....and Monday is my next weigh in date :(

I feel like major S**T! Why do I fail every time? I have a goal...I write down my goals....I tell people my goals....I FAIL!

Hopefully I get some major ass kicking soon, or I am going to be a fat girl for the rest of my life :( Please, tell me what to do to make myself have more motivation! I know....I know...this is all on me, and no one can technically help with that, but bah! I feel like such a loser :(

Please tell me this gets easier the harder I try?.....

Jan 23, 2011

So.....I DEF need a side of epic to go with my FAIL this week!

I don't know what my problem is......I must be addicted to food, or to being unhappy!!!

I am so disappointed in myself as of late, I most likely gained all the weight I have lost in the past few weeks  :(

I am so sad as well that now with the change in my job I only walk an hour a day instead of two AND I dont get to go to my Zumba class anymore :(  I am unhappy all around.

I need to do this for myself, I don't have a choice...I WANT to be happy, I miss being happy.....

I will still do my weigh in tomorrow, even tho I am going to hate it...I realy don't know what is more motivation than getting married, and wanting to be happy, but whatever it is, I NEED to find it!

I need help :( ................

Jan 17, 2011

So today is Monday.....and I am sick again, woo friggen hoo....but I did my weigh in and it wasn't as bad as I thought! I am down another 3 pounds.

So: Jan 3, 2011=187 lbs

     Jan 10, 2011=185 lbs

     Jan 17, 2011= 182 lbs

I haven't even been eating as well as I could be! Which I know is nothing to be proud of, but 5 lbs is 5 lbs right? I met my monthly goal in 2 weeks, let's see how well I can do! I am pleased, and can't wait to continue to make myslf feel better :)

I am hoping to feel better soon, I don't think I can make my Zumba class tomorrow now :( but the faster I get better the faster I can work harder!

Thanks for everyone who has been reading so far, I know I am doing this for myself, but to have support is always appreciated! Thanks all! <3

Jan 14, 2011

So it's been a couple of days, and not much has changed. I am still having problems eating breakfast! (I hate eating in the morning!), I know I NEED to start eating breakfast so I am going to work really hard on this.

I also have not been able to go to the gym as much as i'd like, I really need to start driving myself so I don't have to rely on someone else getting me there! I am working on that as well.

I had my one cheat day and realized I really don't love fast food, it's just quick and simple. I need to go grocery shopping to eliminate this as well lol.

I have felt like poopie about myself even more lately and I am really hoping this will change, and soon! I haven't really noticed much of a difference yet, and I know it takes time to do it properly, but any results would be nice :)

I am going to try harder and maybe look into getting some help, so wish me luck! I'll talk to ya'll later!

Jan 12, 2011

So the past couple days have been really good :) Sticking to eating healthier AND I actaully got to go to Zumba! It was so FUN....I definately didn't realize I was working out for 45 minutes, I wish it were longer! I can't wait till the next class.

It is getting a bit easier day by day...I still am having a bit of trouble finding things to eat on the go, but I will just need to start making time for myself and eating I guess.

There is not really much else to report at the moment....all is well, not as stressed, or upset = not emotional eating. I have also bought myself some gum so when I think I want something to eat I just chew on that! lol.

I shall write more when there is more to report! Peace xoxo